 |
| Photo: Andrea Fitzpatrick |
My daughter was hurt yesterday. She was playing on the slide
when a friend crashed into her causing her to hop up a little and
hit her back on the side of the slide. When it comes to physical pain, Hope is
tough and doesn’t cry easily, so when she came running to me in tears I knew it
had to be a hard hit. Her little friend was not concerned in the least that she
had harmed her. Even still, Hope defended her friend declaring that it was an
accident. When the pain eased, Hope went to play again, but puzzlingly her friend
wouldn’t speak to her. It was a painful thing to witness. Hope had done nothing
wrong. She didn’t deserve this treatment. For the next fifteen minutes, I
watched Hope chase after her friend (whom she adores) tearful and trying to talk
and play, but her friend wouldn’t even look at her. She kept running off…
Hope was distressed by this and I did the only thing I
could do. With her little hands in mine, I looked directly into her blue eyes and
assured her that she had done nothing
wrong. However, to my dismay, she cried, “But I feel like I did.”
Why does it always
feel this way when someone we love hurts us? Why do we assume that we’ve done
something to deserve it? Through my daughter’s upsetting experience, I am
reminded how cruel silence can be. How essential it is to not give our power to
others by demanding their love and approval. How do we get to the place where we
are confident in ourselves and not needy of affection? It’s a lifelong learning
curve, I suppose. When we find ourselves chasing after someone, we must stop
and remember that we have no idea why people suddenly close off their hearts.
The onus is left on us to examine why we are reacting so strongly to another’s
behaviour. To see how deep our attachments have become—sometimes so deep
that we forget to honour and respect ourselves.
As I kissed the crescent-shaped bruise on my daughter’s lower
back, I remembered how important it is to know when enough’s enough and to
walk away for the day. We headed home to the comfort of bath time, books, and
peanut butter toast with butter.