Autumn in the Park

Goodbye September

Just Past Two

Black Birds Migrating, Lake Ridge Road

From the side of the road I witness the graceful and exacting movement of the flock. Cars rush past oblivious to this awesome dance. There’s spaciousness in my chest and an intense feeling of gratitude overwhelms me. I don’t want them to leave! But they do and I must go, as well. I have someone special waiting for me to pick her up at 3:05.

Show Up

Although this fiery autumn in Ontario has done its best to affect me, I find myself somewhat immune to its urgings and in much need of reprieve. The duality and duplicity of 2014 has wearied me. Also, Mercury is in retrograde and that’s not good for anyone. Fact.

If things have taken on a dark and ominous slant, let me encourage you with two things that garnered my attention today. The first is a book that I came across called The Sense of Wonder by Rachel Carson (the author of Silent Spring). A spark for dying embers. She writes, “Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.” Oh I hope so, Ms. Carson! Have you ever sadly pondered (to the point of panic) if your very essence is worthless? Then with perfect timing from the cosmos encounter something that validates your heartfelt endeavours? This intimate book with its natural photographs did that for me today. I love it so much that I may just put it beneath my pillow tonight. 

And lastly, a rousing quotation by writer Isabel Allende posted by a local abstract artist that I admire: “Show up, show up, show up, and after a while the muse shows up, too.” In other words, don’t give up! Never give up. Keep doing what you love and have faith that it’s right and good. 

Girls Who Wear Glasses

Is this the autumn of my life? I turned 40 this year so I suppose it is. (If it’s not autumn, it’s most certainly late summer.) Age has never concerned me much but it did this year. It’s not the number but everything that goes along with midlife—loss of beauty, fatigue, things just not being the same physically. I equate it to being in the middle of a vast sea and discovering to your horror that your beloved vessel is springing leaks! I wonder, spiritually, why we have to go through this process. Is it just for kicks? To have a little cosmic laugh?

If we are attached to our bodies (bravo if you are not, you must be a Zen master), as we age, we are going to suffer. I was at the park with my daughter a few weeks ago and one of Hope’s schoolmates joined her on the swing. I introduced myself brightly, “Hi, I’m Hope’s mom.” She pumped her legs awkwardly and said, “I know.” “How do you know,” I asked (we had never met). She replied sweetly, “You have the same hair colour.” I smiled, until she added, “Only Hope’s is more shiny.” Ah yes, it happens to all of us. In case you haven’t caught on, this is why shampoo labels boast about enhancing shine. It’s a lie. Only the young have naturally vibrant hair.

Just yesterday, I was wearing my glasses and someone asked me, “Do you need to wear your glasses all the time now?” “Only if I want to see” I joked smugly. I hate wearing glasses. They are uncomfortable and well you know what they say about girls who wear glasses... If only I could wear my sunglasses everywhere. Like Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany’s you would see me around town, at the grocery store perhaps, looking cool and mysterious. You wouldn’t be able to see the fine lines around my eyes...

Sigh. It’s a sad, sad and humbling feeling to believe that you don’t matter at all. No one takes the time, it seems, to truly see you. The real you, I mean. But why are we so hurt by this? Every day, magnificent and majestic trees are cut down. People trample on delicate wildflowers. Wildlife and insects are killed without a thought. Why do we expect to be treated any different by those that are clearly blind to intrinsic beauty?

In a way, when someone loves you, it validates your existence. That person not only hears the music that you are creating, but she/he delights in it. Is this not the most precious gift? And yes, our bodies will fade and eventually die, but love will endure. A loved one’s gentle voice, the light in his/her eyes, and all the kind and loving acts that were ever shared are timeless. This music, this light and love, ripples out endlessly—greeting us on the flip side where we merge as one in an exquisite dance of eternal love. ~ A pipe dream? Perhaps. But I think not.

"The Answer" by The Autumn Defense

♬

Autumn Bliss

Wild Geese

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, 

are heading home again. 

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 

the world offers itself to your imagination, 

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — 

over and over announcing your place 

in the family of things. 

—Mary Oliver

The quieter you become, 
the more you are able to hear.

~ Zen saying

Meet Me in the Sixties

“Sixties” by The Essex Green, Everything Is Green, 1999.

You pick the place, darlin’
I’ll pick the day
See you there,
Don’t be late.

Somewhere through the gold
of an early autumn breeze
Meet me in the sixties

(partial lyrics)

Nothing Is Impossible

 

There is a place in you where there is perfect peace.

There is a place in you where nothing is impossible.

 

~ A Course in Miracles

Tender-hearted

Feeling all tender-hearted for this cedar waxwing we discovered trembling in some bushes yesterday afternoon. It flew into a glass window at my daughter’s school while playing chase with another waxwing (that regretfully didn’t make it). When we found this little guy, it couldn’t fly or even hop so we brought it home and kept it for the night.

We released the bird this morning and it flew into our burning bush to eat a few berries before flying off. So precious!

“Nothing is, unless our thinking makes it so.”

~ William Shakespeare

I am not afraid of tomorrow, 

for I have seen yesterday 

and I love today.

~ William Allen White