Is this the autumn of my life? I turned 40 this year so I
suppose it is. (If it’s not autumn, it’s most certainly late summer.) Age has never concerned me much but it did this year.
It’s not the number but everything that goes along with midlife—loss of beauty,
fatigue, things just not being the same physically. I equate it to being in the
middle of a vast sea and discovering to your horror that your beloved vessel is
springing leaks! I wonder, spiritually, why we have to go through this process.
Is it just for kicks? To have a little cosmic laugh?
If we are attached to our bodies (bravo if you are not, you must be a Zen master), as we age, we are going to suffer. I was at the park
with my daughter a few weeks ago and one of Hope’s schoolmates joined her on
the swing. I introduced myself brightly, “Hi, I’m Hope’s mom.” She pumped her
legs awkwardly and said, “I know.” “How do you know,” I asked (we had never
met). She replied sweetly, “You have the same hair colour.” I smiled, until she
added, “Only Hope’s is more shiny.” Ah yes, it happens to all of us. In case
you haven’t caught on, this is why shampoo labels boast about enhancing shine. It’s a lie. Only the young have naturally
vibrant hair.
Just yesterday, I was wearing my glasses and someone asked
me, “Do you need to wear your glasses all
the time now?” “Only if I want to see” I joked smugly. I hate wearing glasses.
They are uncomfortable and well you know what they say about girls who wear glasses... If only I could wear my sunglasses everywhere. Like Holly Golightly
from Breakfast at Tiffany’s you would
see me around town, at the grocery store perhaps, looking cool and mysterious. You
wouldn’t be able to see the fine lines around my eyes...
Sigh. It’s a sad, sad and humbling feeling to believe that you don’t matter at all. No one takes the time, it seems, to truly see you. The
real you, I mean. But why are we so hurt by this? Every day, magnificent and majestic
trees are cut down. People trample on delicate wildflowers. Wildlife
and insects are killed without a thought. Why do we expect to be treated any
different by those that are clearly blind to intrinsic beauty?
In a way, when someone loves you, it validates your
existence. That person not only hears the music that you are creating, but she/he delights
in it. Is this not the most precious gift? And yes, our bodies will fade and
eventually die, but love will endure. A loved one’s gentle voice, the
light in his/her eyes, and all the kind and loving acts that were ever shared are
timeless. This music, this light and love, ripples out endlessly—greeting us on
the flip side where we merge as one in an exquisite dance of eternal love. ~ A pipe
dream? Perhaps. But I think not.
